EDITING AND REVISING

Introduction

In this unit, you will practise how to edit and revise academic essays. In previous units you learnt how to prepare for writing, analysing essay titles, note making and planning for essay as well as types and styles of writing. All these steps are part of what is normally called the writing process, and so are editing and revising. In this unit you will be expected to edit and revise sample essays or essay extracts by identifying language errors and correcting them.

Objectives

     At the end of this unit students should be able to:

• Identify and correct language errors in an essay;
• Practise different steps in essay drafting;
• Revise an essay draft.

1. Revising the first draft 

 At this stage you may have realised that although the final essay is linear, the writing process is usually not a linear process. Most people think that writing is just putting ideas together and then the process is complete. What is meant here is that we do not move from one stage to the next, always moving on to the next stage of the process. When we are writing an essay, report or any type of extended writing, we as writers do not move in a straight line from preparation for writing, analysing the topic note making and planning writing the first draft and then submitting the end product to the lecturer.

The process is generally far more complex than this. We go backwards and forwards among the stages of the writing process. Very often when we have written the first draft, we need to go back to the plan and revise it. The purpose for looking at our plan is to make sure that we have written our essay according to the essay plan we drafted. Remember that when you concentrate on writing as your ideas flow, it is not impossible to include new ideas or supporting ideas that were not initially in the essay plan. It becomes imperative that the entire essay layout or organisational structure be looked at and be compared with the essay plan. Below are a few hints that need to be taken into consideration before revising essay drafts:

• revising a draft takes time and discipline from the writer- it is therefore imperative to allocate more time and devote patience to this exercise;

• knowing our own writing well- it is essential that we take the position of the reader if we need a thoroughly revised draft; 

• It is advisable to take the top down (from the whole to parts) approach when revising drafted work.

1.1. Steps in essay draft revision 

When revising the first draft of the essay, we have to put ourselves in the position of the reader. An educated reader will first of all look at the essay from different angles such as the essay title, introduction and conclusion, and finally the different paragraphs to see whether the text at hand is worth reading. Below are some of the steps worth considering when revising a draft:

• look at the draft composition (whole essay)

 The essay needs an introduction that is reflective of the essay title, a conclusion that indicates a concluded task, and then the structure of the different paragraphs. The question to remember here is does each of the mentioned sections carry a topic sentence, supporting sentences and concluding sentence?  If so, how do they help form a complete whole of the essay? At this we should be in a position to identify where the introductory paragraph ends, where the main body starts, and where the conclusion starts.

• Skim read the essay in order to identify where new ideas are introduced and where they end. When we notice these demarcations, we have to separate or mark them off in pen or pencil, until we reach the end of the essay. We should also be aware of repeating already introduced ideas.

• look at paragraph connection (how one paragraph introduces the other)  

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  At this stage look at how the flow of the main theme is carried from one paragraph to the next (though each has an own idea). One of the easiest ways of doing this is to focus on how the concluding sentence of the last paragraph is worded. Does the last paragraph show a conclusion of an idea and hint at introducing another in the next paragraph? Skim read the concluding sentence of the above paragraph and introductory sentence of the immediate paragraph to look for hints (effectively applied cohesive devices). If these are not evident, indicate with a mark where they should be located and proceed with the next paragraph, until the end of the essay draft.

• look at the sentence and language structure (sentence structure variety and word choice)  

This may seem a difficult and cumbersome as well as time-consuming task, but as mentioned in the beginning, we have to allocate enough time for this exercise. A good essay should constitute a variety of well-organised sentences that have an even flow of ideas as well as formal language (word order and vocabulary).  We should then read the first essay draft to check for clarity, brevity and directedness of sentences used. One of the ways to do this is by reading the essay a few times. Bear in mind that we planned and wrote this essay draft, and therefore are familiar with its contents. When reading over, we may (unintentionally) overlook the errors we made while writing. It is therefore important to put ourselves in the position of the reader or of an editor with a pencil or pen in hand to mark off all the errors we come across as we read the text. It is at this point also worth focusing on formal language structure that is indicative of objectivity, tentativeness and accuracy. The errors to look out for include among others, use of slang and contractions such as can’t, shouldn’t, (abbreviations and acronyms are an exception though they should be written in full at first use in the essay).

 

• look at the in-text referencing, use of reporting verbs and cohesive devices

Since we are dealing with academic essay writing, it is of importance that we apply acceptable and correct academic conventions in the essay. As you have learnt in the preceding units, we have two types of in-text referencing, also known as in-text citations. These are the direct and paraphrasing referencing. We have, therefore, during this exercise, to see to it that our application of these conventions is done correctly. If we fail to correct these (where applied incorrectly), our essay may be regarded as either a text of plagiarised material or a reckless and careless piece of work done by an unacademically educated person or even a cheat. No one wants to be referred to as such! In most cases, many students and writers fail to apply the correct or appropriate reporting verbs following an in-text reference or citation. It is equally important that we also pay attention to the proper application of these reporting verbs as they enhance cohesion (bonding the citation i.e. borrowed voice and supporting sentences i.e. the writer’s voice- which is you, the author). It is at this stage that we also have to apply tentativeness in our use of reporting verbs as well as other cohesive devices in order to avoid subjectivity.

Activity 1

We have dealt with some theoretical aspects on revising and editing of essay drafts in the preceding paragraphs. It is now time to put our theory to test. Below are some draft and parts of essays written at first attempt by 1^st year students at the University of Namibia. Each has some unique and some common errors as these essays have been reprinted in their original form. Using the marking key provided above, identify and underline the errors and then mark them with the appropriate symbol as suggested in the marking key. Remember that you may not be able to detect all the errors at first reading, so read and read over until you are certain you have covered all possible errors in the given text.

DRAFT 1: The negative effects of civil wars in Africa

Introduction

Civil war is one of the factors which have led to the social instability of Africa and the world at large. The Essay discusses the negative effects brought about by civil war on African continent. This will include looking at aspects such as the economy, the environment, infrastructure and also other areas which has been affected by civil war.

The economy

Over the past decades many African countries have encountered economic decline as a result of civil war. In countries such as Angola Oliver (1995:297) Indicate that military expenditure had been among the driving force which has led to economic decline in many African countries and in this case Angola is an exception. Furthermore, it has been reported that military expenditure grew faster than either the population or the estimates of GDP (Gross domestic product). As such military expenditure came to be regarded as a social burden in Angola.

In Zaire and Uganda it is reported that military spending was two or three times greater than Spending on education and health, more so (Oliver F, 1995:297) has shown that in Sahara Africa, the ration were reported as 81 and 91 per cent respectively. Therefore with the figures given above it may be concluded that military expenditure has greatly contributed to the decline of economic progress in Africa in pursuit of civil war.

Conclusion

Finally is has been clearly indicated as to how civil war as brought about economic and social disorder in Africa Therefore it can be said that a lot needs to be done in order to ensure the recovery of some African countries so that Africa stabilizes from the wounds caused by civil war.

(Printed with the permission of the student)  

DRAFT 2: Discuss the role of aquaculture towards the socio-economic development of developing countries      

 Can be defined as aquaculture practised in water. Aqua is Greek term for water. Aquaculture is variously defined as “fish farming or husbandry of fish and shellfish” (Nash 1992:1 quoted in Bailey 1996 et. Al). Aquaculture may also be defined simply as farming of fish and other aquatic organisms. It represents the most important source of growth in fish supply for human consumption. “It is regarded as the aquatic counterpart of agriculture and its origin extends back at least 3000 years (Bardach et al., 1972 cited in Beveridge 1996:1). The potential of aquaculture for commercial and nutritional purposes is now receiving greater attention “because marine fish resources in most part of the world are heavily exploited and seems to offer limited capacity for increased harvests.” (Bailey 1996 et.al). However unlike Agriculture, aquaculture has until recently contributed little in real terms to world fish and shellfish production.

Roles and impacts on poverty

A considerable proportion of most african country populations, particularly those living in rular areas suffer from high degree of poverty and unemployment. “Aquaculture contributes to the livelihoods of the poor through improved food supply, increased employment opportunities and income” (Isaacs 2006). Many small-scale farmers have small land holdings in areas of competion, diverse and risk prone agriculture in mainly rainfed and undulating land on the fringes of lowlands or uplands.  Construction of ponds on these frequently environmentally degraded farms may also provide a focal point for agriculutural diversification and increase sustainability by providing a source of water. Here, fish farming in common water bodies may help to reduce poverty, provided that the poor can access them.

Conclusion

Aquaculture represent new possibility for sustainable development that may enhance community viability, coherence and solidarity in terms of poverty alleviation and the contribution to food security and good health. Appropriate technologies have to be developed and applied to reduce adverse impacts, and effective public information systems established to educate the general public and regulatory agencies. For this to happen, carefully attention to the planning process is needed, and some hard choices have to be made, choices that are basically political and moral.

Reference List

1. Bailey Conmer, Svein jentoft and peter Sinclair. 1996. “AQUACULTURAL DEVELOPMENT.” Social Dimension of an Emerging Industry. Colorado: Westview Press, Inc:

2. Malcolm Beveridge. 1996. Cage aquaculture. Second edition. Cambridge: University Press

3. Isaacs.M. 2006 Fisheries Management Course lecture notes. Windhoek. University of Namibia

(Printed with the permission of the student) .  

DRAFT 3: The process and consequences of urbanization in Namibia due migration 

Cities especially in developing countries such as Namibia are becoming heavily overpopulated on a daily basis, while on the other hand rural areas are becoming lands of old and young ones only. However this is becoming an issue of concern. And therefore this essay’s main focus is to explain the process and consequences of the so-called movement; urbanization due to migration.

 

Urbanization is a process that generally means the movement of people from rural to urban areas. It is most common in developing countries because of the big gap that is between rural and urban areas in terms of development. People who are mostly involved in this process are middle aged, specifically at the age 15-45 years old.

 

There are many reasons as to why people move to urban areas searching for work, proper houses, better services and entertainment are some but few of the reasons that attract people to urban areas. While the push factors (factors forcing people to leave rural areas) in rural areas is the lack of all those above mentioned and so called pull factors.

 

(Printed with the permission of the student)

1.1. Now that you have identified and marked all noticeable errors in each of the above texts, explain why you think they are actually errors, Also suggest how you would go about correcting them, or reworking them to an acceptable form. It is advisable to tackle one draft at a time and then have it discussed with your lecturer before moving on to the next. This activity can be done in pairs or individually. It is important to take notes of useful and constructive comments and suggestions given as feedback. 

1.2. From the discussion and class contributions on the above (1.1.), it would be advisable to write a second draft (presumed correct) of each draft and hand it in to your lecturer for assessment (to be graded for C.A.) who will give comments on your work.

It is important to remember that what you are taught here should be carried on to your own writing activities as this is intended to be used throughout your academic and professional lives. In formal academic and professional writing, this process may be repeated over and over, and even reaching a stage where you exchange your work with colleagues for peer review until you are satisfied with the final draft. Cumbersome as it may be, it really pays off in the long run. 

 

References

Booth, C.W., Colomb, G.G. & Williams, J.M. (1995). The Craft of Research. Chicago University of Chicago Press.

Murray, S and Johansen, L. (1989). Write to Improve: a guide to correcting and evaluating written work. Johannesburg: Hodder and Stoughton.

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